Where the Heart Lies
by Paisley Mae
Summary: Spring Break 2007: All Ruthie Camden wanted to do was spend some quality time in New York with her brother, sister-in-law, and nephews. Little did she know she was about to discover an unsettling secret that could tear her family into pieces.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **I shouldn't be doing this, should I? I'm already crunched for time…but here's the deal. This came to me in a dream, and when I woke up I just knew I had to write it. It's actually an idea I had awhile ago (_before _Rock Bottom, believe it or not). I just didn't know where to take it, and now I do.

**Summary: **It's spring break, and all Ruthie Camden wanted to do was spend some quality time in New York with her brother, sister-in-law, and nephews. Little did she know she was about to discover an unsettling secret that could tear her family into pieces.

**Setting: **Spring break 2007. T-Bone, Margaret, and Jane do not exist. Ruthie is still good friends with Meredith and Peter.

* * *

Where the Heart Lies

_Friday, March 30__th__ 2007_

_7:00 PM - New York City  
_

His clammy hand faltered as he set the phone against the wall in the living room. In the kitchen, he could hear the sound of running water. The smell of Kugel and other assorted Sabbath foods traveled down the hallway. Matt turned around, where he saw his two eight-month-old sons sitting in their playpen. Letting out a sigh of anxiousness, he took a seat on the couch across from the two small boys whose big brown eyes were looking up at him. He frowned, as he looked into their eyes, which all of his colleagues claimed were splitting images of his.

"Daddy may have just made a big mistake," he whispered in a cooing voice toward the two small boys. The little boys' eyes remained set on him, and Jake started to giggle. Matt smiled weakly, that was one benefit of talking to babies who could not answer you back; no matter what you said, their reaction was never offensive. Matt sighed to himself. "But look on the bright side," he began speaking again, but stopped urgently when he heard footsteps behind him. Swiftly he turned he jerked his head around.

There she stood. She had changed her clothes since he had last seen her when he had gotten back from the hospital just an hour prior. He searched body from head to toe, something he couldn't help but do every time he saw his wife. Her hair was let down, last time she had it up and out of her face. She didn't wear her hair up often, only at work; she would often complain that it distracted her from doing an efficient job.

Her lips curved downward, a solid stern frown wore on her face. She had been doing a lot of frowning lately, and it pained his heart to see the woman he truly did love hurting; it told him that this was just as hard on her as it was on him. Her eyes were watery, and he could tell from the small smudging of her eyeliner that she had been crying while preparing their Sabbath dinner.

Gold dangling heart-shaped earrings drooped from her ears, noticeably swaying back and forth as she walked. They would gently press against her frail-appearing pale face. He immediately recognized those earrings; they had been his gift to her on their first Valentine's Day. In a way he couldn't help but wondered if she remembered that. Whether or not was irrelevant.

She wore a long velvet red buttoned-up sweater and a pair of black slacks. His eyes traveled down her right arm and stopped at her discolored fingers; soon he found his eyes bouncing from finger to finger until it stopped at her empty ringer finger. He knew that she didn't like to let their colleagues know that they were married. Why, he never fully understood; but he had accepted his wife's wishes and followed suit. She was her own independent person, and that was what had turned him on about her.

Sarah edged closer to the playpen where their sons were sitting calmly and looking up at their parents. She bent down and picked up Noah; the little boy smiled as he was pulled up by his mother who loved and adored him. She wrapped her arms around him and cuddled him tightly; slowly she turned around and met eyes with Matt. "So," she mumbled, the sound of moisture dictating her raspy voice, "Who was on the phone, and what big mistake did you make?"

He frowned, realizing she had heard him talking to the boys. Grunting and shrugging, he reached for his other son. He grabbed the little boy and gently gripped his arm around the baby. Matt's heart raced as his son giggled in his arms. Matt looked into his son's round olive colored face. The baby held his head up strongly; he raised his hand, placed it in his mouth, and began sucking on it. Drool started to slobber out of the baby's mouth.

Sarah's dark brown eyes were still set on him. "So?" she insisted, seemingly impatient.

"It was Ruthie," Matt responded flatly as his son took his hand out of his mouth and set it on his hand. The slobber smeared across his face giving him a familiar feeling. At the same time, Sarah contently raised her eyebrows as she was waiting for a further explanation. Matt sighed, "Her spring break is next week, and she wants to come and spend it with us."

"And what did you say?" Sarah inquired quietly.

He suctioned in a deep sigh, filling his lungs with as much air capacity as he could at one time. "Well," he began as his hand traveled down his son's head. "I told her to come; I mean, I just couldn't tell her, 'No.' Even if…" he stopped, knowing he couldn't finish that sentence.

Sarah was slowly nodding her head. "I understand," she spoke with Noah's head resting on her shoulder. "You hardly see any of your family, and you were really close to Ruthie before you moved to New York."

His head nodded and added with certainty, "And I'm sure Ruthie wants to get to know her nephews, seeing as she hasn't even met them. She was in Scotland when they were born and the rest of the family was here."

Sarah nodded in agreement, "Of course." The bluntness in her voice made him certain that she had something else she wanted to add to that. Her eyes dawdled away from him. She bent her neck down at pressed her head against her son's. He couldn't help but notice her teeth curling over her lips, sucking their color out.

He shook his head vibrantly. "Just say it," he dictated imperatively with a rush of anger traveling through his body. "You're the one who is always going on and on about, 'We have to mean what we say, and say what we mean.'" His face burned and his heart raced as he immediately regretted the force in his tone. He knew that it wasn't making matters better, and he immediately wanted to apologize. He clenched his teeth, forcing himself not to apologize. _Never apologize for something you know is right_, he told himself. It was something Lucy had once told him; he wondered when she had gotten so clever. He did know that words came from experience; and when she was young, Lucy always apologized for everything she did. More so, he should wonder who gave her that piece of wisdom.

Sarah's face slowly flushed red, and he could tell she was getting angry. He heard her suck in a deep breath of air; before saying a word, she set Noah back in the playpen. Before he even hit the floor the little boy started to fuss. Noah wasn't the only one upset because of the intensity in the air. The once happy baby in his arms had become restless. His own arms were now full of tension; he couldn't calm himself, so he knew he couldn't calm his own son. Tears started to roll down the little boy's cheeks. Babies picked up on emotions in the air; even unborn children and their movements were dictated by the mother's and father's actions. When stress and anxiety was located in the air, children knew it.

"Let's take this conversation to the kitchen," Sarah insisted. Matt nodded as he set Jake down next to his brother. Before he left the room he took one more look at the little guys. Their tears had already started to decay as they looked back at him, still with salty liquid in their eyes. Matt forced a smile back at the boys. All he wanted to do was tell them it was going to be all right. But he didn't want to lie to his own sons; his own flesh and blood.

The fragrance of the food whiffed into his nose with a stronger noise as he came closer to the kitchen. Before uttering a word to him, Sarah started to stir whatever was in the pot on the stove. Despite the warmth in the kitchen, chills swept through Matt's body. He knew what was coming wasn't good. For Sarah not to get straight to the point was never good.

He stood there in awkwardness, waiting for her to finish with her stirring. Two minutes passed on the stove clock before she turned around to face him. Her eyes aimed directly into his. Due to the bright lighting in the kitchen, which the living room didn't have, he could see the dark circles swirling deep into her eye sockets. Her face showed sheer exhaustion, and he knew that she was because she never slept. He would see the kitchen light on at three in the morning when he would get up to check on the boys; come six-thirty the light was still on, and when he would enter the kitchen he would find her sitting at the kitchen table in her bathrobe staring at the newspaper with a full cup of coffee in front of her. She never drank the coffee; he knew that she didn't even like coffee. That should have been his first hint that something was wrong.

"So." He crossed his arms and waited.

"So, have you told your family?" she asked him, though he was pretty certain she already knew the answer to her own question.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "No," he responded flatly. "I haven't."

She nodded as she crossed her arms and curled her lips. "And when are you going to tell them?" Her eyes sternly gazed into his as he searched for an answer inside of his head.

He shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't know," he said flatly, feeling foolish, "maybe when it's actually official." She glanced away from his face momentarily. Her head shook back and forth.

"Matt, it's official," she whispered hoarsely. "And you know it. You need to tell your parents. I've told mine, and even though I've told them not to say anything to yours until you've had the chance to, it's only a matter of time. It's Glen Oak, not New York. My parents can't avoid yours forever."

"You've already told your parents?" Matt let out a groaning gasp. He hadn't realized that she had already taken that step. His head dropped into his lungs; with that knowledge, in a way, it all seemed so more real. Sweat started to drip down his face as a panicking sensation took over his body. Her parents know. It was only a matter of time before his did.

She nodded. "Matt, you have to tell your parents, brothers, and sisters."

"But remember—"

"We've gone over this a thousand times," she cut in, folding her arms tightly. "Let's not go there, because you know it yourself."

He shook his head; even though he knew what she meant, and he had said it himself. To himself, he knew that he didn't mean it. He hadn't meant a word of what he had told her. "_We have to say what we mean, and mean what we say," _Sarah had told him in the middle of their arguments time and time again. Despite her preaching, he knew that she couldn't mean every word she said. He knew that he knew her better than that. She just didn't.

"With my dad's recent heart condition, it's just not a good time," Matt insisted. "And I don't need to worry him with this and add more stress to his already weak heart."

Sarah looked up at the ceiling as if she were at a loss for words. She tilted her head back toward him and threw her hands up. "Matt, we've been through this. This is why you need to be going back to Glen Oak, not Ruthie coming here. I mean, come on, you are going to have Ruthie finding out. Do you want _Ruthie _to be the one to tell your parents? Between the two of us, we've already put enough on Ruthie's plate over the course of our marriage. It's not fair to her. She's only seventeen."

His eyes became heavy with moisture filling in his sockets. He inhaled strongly as he forced back his tears. He was a man. Men did not cry; they were supposed to be strong figures for their wives and children. He had two young sons to worry about now. The last image he wanted to give his sons was that their father was a cry-baby.

"Ruthie won't tell my parents," Matt insisted, forcing out a mature natured voice. He adjusted his voice and told her, "Even if Ruthie finds out, she won't. She didn't tell our parents that we eloped until just last year."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "So, you're going to wait four years to tell your parents? _Honey_, I don't think you have four years to wait and tell them." He took note to her emphasis on the word _honey_. Her tone was full of density, not passion. When she said _honey_, she meant it in a neurotic way.

"No," was all he could say as he looked into her frowning eyes. "I'll tell them before then." She looked away from him again. He could tell that she didn't believe him. It killed him to know that, but nowhere to the point where it would to break this to his parents.

"Okay," he heard her whisper quietly; her face was still turned away from him. He could hear the moisture in her voice again, and without thinking he walked a few steps closer to her. His arm extended and touched her head, and she turned toward him. Instantly he realized that her eyes were blood shot. By gut reaction he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips tightly against hers.

After his lips released from hers he held her tightly and whispered, "I'll always love you, Sarah."

He waited for a response; for her to say that she would always love him too. His heart raced as her chilled skin touched against his warm body. A few moments later she gently released herself from his body. Her tearful eyes looked up into his and she mouthed, "I know you will."


	2. Chapter 2

**To Kelsie (and anyone else wondering): **This story is _completely _unrelated to Outside Heaven. Yes, the boys' names are the same. (They are also the same in Rock Bottom.) I do that for the sake of consistency. Mary and Carlos's twins are always Jenny and Crissy in my stories, and Hank and Julie's son is always Nolan. I try to keep the unnamed characters that were created in the show the same.

* * *

_Saturday, March 31__st__ 2007_

_11:00 AM _

Ruthie smiled to herself as she looked out of the plane's window as it was beginning to land. She couldn't wait to step off of the plane and run into the airport. In her mind, she imagined her brother and sister-in-law standing inside the airport just waiting for her to get off the airplane;and holding her nephews that she had yet to meet. The image she depicted in her head of the two boys was based off the last picture Matt and Sarah had sent of them nearly two months ago at their six month photo shoot. Ruthie was certain that they had grown a lot since then.

Her heart almost leaped out of her chest when she heard her phone beep. Anxiously, she grabbed her phone and saw her phone read_, "1 New Message." _Her heart leaped with those words, like it always would. What was it about a new message that always got her riled up? Was it the mysteriousness behind it? Or perhaps it was the unknown. Ruthie couldn't be certain.

She flipped her phone open, and when she saw it was from Peter she smiled to herself. Peter and she had become close friends again after she had been forced to return from Scotland because of her father's heart condition. The only reason she had wanted to go to Scotland in the first place was because he was supposed to have gone with her. Then, to her dismay, he failed a class so his mother wouldn't let him go. Ruthie went anyway.

By no means did she regret going. She only wished she could have stayed longer. Since her return, school had been a bore. Now that all of her brothers and sisters, except for Sam and David, were out of the house it was too quiet. She never thought she would have said that, but it was true. At first it was hard to admit, but she did. She missed her brothers and sisters; each and every one of them.

When she had finally hit puberty, long after her older siblings, Ruthie had begun to look forward to being the oldest in the house. She was old enough to remember when each and every one of her older siblings had gone off on their own, leaving the 'next in line' sibling at the top of the ladder.

She still remembered when Matt had moved out for the first time, before he moved back in. At the time it had been very difficult for her to cope with. After all, she had only been seven or eight. Even though she had shared a room with Simon, she had always looked up to Matt the most. When she was younger, she had been completely oblivious to the mischief he had gotten himself into. He was the oldest, and he was always there for her when she needed him.

Years later, she would look back upon all of her siblings' departments – except for Lucy's, since she never _really _left. She had decided that Matt's had been the most difficult to cope with. Still to that day, she remembered the day Matt moved out just like it had been only yesterday.

While she couldn't blame him for wanting to 'get out', it had never been easy on her. She could remember crying for hours after they had moved his stuff out. Of course, she had not let any of her other siblings witness her crying. She wanted to maintain a _strong _image for the rest of the family. They couldn't know how much she was hurting.

At first she would call him every night. He would never her tell her not to call, though she figured she must have really gotten on his nerves. When she moved out, she knew for sure, that she didn't want Sam or David to call her every single night. She would want her privacy, and she was sure that Matt felt the same way. Nonetheless, he never refused her calls. There were times he didn't answer, but he'd always call back.

That was Matt; the all-around good big brother who she knew she could always count on no matter how tough her life got. She knew he would never turn on her, and she cherished the relationship that she had with her oldest brother. In particular, she treasured the trust he had bounded in her with his secrets; she had the same trust in him with hers. She knew there was stuff that she had told him that he would never share; not even with Sarah.

Over the last five years, though, Ruthie had built her own unique friendship with Sarah. At first, though, she figured that Sarah had been _bribing _her to keep her and Matt's secret. As time went on, Ruthie knew that their relationship had become more than just a big secret. When she needed to talk with someone immediately, and she knew Matt was unavailable, Sarah had become her second lifeline. A year ago, when she had found out about Martin and the baby, Sarah had listened to her cry for hours over the phone. Ruthie had started to rely on Sarah; it was nice to have someone to talk to who she wasn't related to by blood, but she could trust not to turn on her. That was something she couldn't say about any of her actual friends; like Martin for instance.

Every time she was to think about Martin, her throat would clot up. He was part of the reason she had wanted to get away from Glen Oak over the spring break holiday. She knew it was a long story, and she didn't like to think into detail. When she did, her head felt like it could combust.

She was looking down at her cellular phone as she made her way toward the entrance to the airport. In only moments, she would reunite with her brother and sister-in-law; and at last, she would meet her two small nephews. Anxiously, she opened the text message and read it in her head: _"Hey Ruthie, you there yet? Text me when you're there so I know you're okay :) -Peter" _

Ruthie's heart fluttered as she read the words across her cell phone. Peter was so kind and considerate, unlike other guys whose names she dared not to think. He would always ask her how her day had been, even when it was unnecessary. She couldn't help but smile at him; he was selfless. He was always putting others before himself.

She had realized that she wasn't paying attention to where she was going as she opened a blank text message to reply to Peter. _"Just got here, I'm okay. Thanks for asking :) –Ruthie." _Just as she was repositioning her thumb to press "send" her surroundings momentarily blacked out as something pressed painfully against her head; she heard a loud _Clunk! _ It took her a few moments to realize what had just happened; she figured the wind must have been knocked out of her. When she finally became conscious of her surroundings again, she realized she had slammed her face into a pole directly between the airplane drop off area and the building. She felt foolish and embarrassed as she could feel her face begin to flush red. Her eyes circled around the vicinity where people who had been on her flight were walking toward the door. She could feel communities of eyes beating on her. Still feeling like an idiot, she turned around and started to walk toward the door again. She had seemingly forgotten what she was doing with her cell phone; without thinking she closed it.

When she was inside, she felt a rush of heat bombard her. Even though it was the end of March, it was still quite chilly in New York. She hadn't realized how swollen her hands had become until the warmth tingled against her hands. Her body buzzed with the newfound warmth and anxiousness as she looked around the airport for familiar faces.

As she looked around the airport, she spotted several reunions. A college aged boy was giving hugs all around, a man with a brief case in hand was giving his presumable wife and small child kisses, and a grandmother was giving her three grandchildren lots of hugs and kisses. Her eyes circled around, but she didn't see Matt and Sarah. She was sure they were there; she had spoken to Matt only the night before, just to be sure. Over and over she had reiterated that her flight would land at eleven. She knew they were there somewhere; the airport itself was much bigger than the Glen Oak Airport. Thus, naturally, there would be more people to claw through to find them.

After wandering around for countless minutes without spotting Matt or Sarah, she decided the smart action to do would be to sit on the bench and let them find her. She pulled out her cell phone and found herself watching the analog clock on the front of her phone. Seconds turned into minutes and _11:10 _turned into _11:11_. _"Eleven-eleven, make a wish," _she told herself a saying Meredith would always whenever she spotted that specific moment in time. She closed her eyes as she quickly pondered her wish.

"_I wish…" _she thought to herself, but before she could complete that thought her cell phone began vibrating. Without reading the caller ID, she flipped it opened, "Matt?" she immediately presumed into the receiver.

"Ruthie? Are you all right?" a familiar loving voice filled her ear. Her head felt like it had just been stabbed with a knife. "You didn't reply to my text message, I was worried."

"Oh, yeah," she blushed as she remembered walking into that pole. "I was about to, but I got kind of distracted. I'm sorry, Peter."

"There's no need to be sorry," Peter insisted. "All that matters is you're all right."

"I'm just fine, thanks," Ruthie smiled weakly to herself and pressed the phone closer to her hear so Peter's voice could fill her ear more efficiently. Her heart throbbed with his voice full of care and love.

"Why did you think I was Matt?" he inquired, and her heart started to race as her eyes traveled around the airport one more time; to herself she hoped that she would just catch a glimpse of her older brother.

"Don't worry about it," she insisted. "I should get going…I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Oh—." She clicked off of her phone before he could finish. With her lungs she sucked in a large gasp of air and looked up to see a face she knew very well. Sitting on the bench, she tilted her head up and examined his tall, manly solemn figure. She sprung off the bench and flung her arms around her older brother. "Matt! There you are."

"Here I am," he said quietly as he wrapped his arms around her lightly; hardly gripping onto her. When she released herself from him, she looked into his frowning eyes.

"What's wrong, Matt?" she asked as her eyes wandered around and behind him, noticing there was no sign of Sarah or the boys. "Where is Sarah? Did you come alone?"

His expression was frozen as he answered, "They're all back at the apartment. I'm sorry I wasn't here right on time…it's a long story, and I would rather not get into it now." His eyes were cold and wet, like he might have been crying.

"Okay…" she trailed, lifting an eyebrow. She didn't know what to say. Her eyes continued to examine her oldest brother. He was wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt. His black shoes were worn; like he hadn't gotten a new pair in a long time. There was stubble around his lower face; it was unusual for her to see him with stubble on his face. He was always so good about shaving. With her present observations, Ruthie had a feeling that her spring break wasn't going to be as joyful as she thought it was going to be. If only she were overanalyzing.


	3. Chapter 3

_Saturday, March 31__st__ 2007_

_11:00 a.m._

Sarah hid behind the window as she watched her husband wave for a cab three stories below. A warm tear rolled down her face as she cuddled Jacob in her arms. Behind her, Noah was sitting in his crib alone. The little boy's dark brown eyes were wet.

They had gotten into it again. This time, it was about as petty as the arguments came.

_The morning had started off to a late start. Since they each had the day off, both had slept late. The boys were getting older and beginning to sleep later on their own. That morning the couple had been awoken by the twins' cries at nine in the morning. _

_After getting the boys dressed, Sarah had insisted on cooking the family breakfast. She had gone to the kitchen and cooked up some home-made oatmeal. It was her grandmother's recipe, and oatmeal was the boys' favorite breakfast. _

_The boys sure had enjoyed their breakfast, though they had missed their mouths on many occasions. Both boys were covered from head to toe in oatmeal._

"_I'll give the boys a bath," Matt had insisted earnestly. "Ruthie's flight won't be in until eleven. We have an hour. _

_Sarah had shaken her head. "No, that's fine. I'll take care of them." She had grabbed both of the messy boys and started to walk toward the bathroom. _

_Matt's face plastered with confusion. "Sarah, you're with them much more than I am. I need to spend some quality time with my boys. I don't understand why you're trying to hog them." He reached over and snatched Jacob from her arms._

_Sarah's throat burned, wishing she could tell him the truth. "I'm their mother. I gave birth to them, I'll give them a bath," she firmly told him, setting Jacob down and taking Noah back._

The argument had lasted for another thirty-five minutes, and it had ended with Matt leaving with bloodshot eyes. He had no idea how it pained her to see him hurt so badly. If only she could tell him the truth, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard.

No, it would be harder, and she knew that. He couldn't know the truth. It was better end like this. It would save him the pain of telling his family the horrible possible fact. The fact would destroy his parents, and with Eric's bad heart, it could be literally devastating. Sarah didn't want to be the cause for that.

She should have ended it from the beginning, before she and Matt returned for Simon's wedding. Sarah had intended for it to be over by then. She had done everything in her power to get Matt to abandon her, but he wouldn't. No matter what she said, and no matter what she did, he would always insist everything would be all right.

Matt had wanted to tell his parents about the baby right away when she had told him she was expecting, but she had insisted that they wait to tell them in person. She knew that would buy her some time. She should have realized that Matt would never abandon his own sons. When she looked back on it all, she regretted telling him. She could have just left. It wasn't like had never "up and left" before without explaining. Somehow this was different. She hadn't been pregnant at the time.

Jacob's head lay on her shoulder, and she looked into his chocolate brown eyes. All her co-workers insisted they were splitting images of Matt's, but Sarah feared otherwise. When she looked into her son's eyes, she didn't see Matt's eyes, she saw someone else's. The boys shared her eye color, which happened to be the same as her husband's.

_It didn't have to be this way, _she knew. But it was, and there was no changing that. She had looked at the calendar time and time again, knowing in her heart when she thought the twins' real conception date was.

_The leaves fell outside on that Thursday evening. She had just gotten home from an eight-hour shift and was absolutely exhausted. After taking her jacket off, she meandered to the kitchen to brew a warm pot of hot chocolate._

_Before she could turn on the hot chocolate maker, the door cracked open. Anxiously, she turned around and a familiar face appeared. He too looked exhausted._

_She smiled lovingly toward her husband who she had not spoken to in two days. Between class and working double hours at the hospital, Matt was overworked. _

"_Hey, honey," she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a peck on the lips. "It's so nice to see you. I've missed you."_

_He smiled weakly. "I've missed you too."_

"_So, how long are you off for?" she asked, moving toward the hot chocolate machine again. Sometimes it bothered her not knowing her own husband's work schedule, but she figured that she was going to have to get used to it. Going into the profession he was going into, he would have to go in at ungodly hours to deliver babies, and she knew it. She had known it when she married him. _

"_Actually…" Matt trailed slowly. "…I only came home to let you know that I'm going to Glen Oak for the weekend. I talked to Lucy on the phone earlier, and I get the feeling that something is up. She didn't say what, but I can't help myself…" _

_Sarah's heart dropped and she found herself disappointed, yet curious at the same time. Lucy had to have said something fairly big in order for Matt to go rushing back to Glen Oak so instantly, especially when Sarah had barely seen her husband over the course of the last months. Sure, he would run back to Glen Oak for his sister, but he wouldn't spend a weekend with her._

"_What did Lucy say?" Sarah inquired._

_Matt shook her head. "It's probably nothing, but I can't help but pry. That's what big brothers are for." He winked, not that she would know. She had never had a sibling to pry into her life, though sometimes she wished she had._

"_Oh, really; then how I do know you're not just going back for another reason? You sure went to Glen Oak an awful lot last year. If I didn't know better – or at least I hope I know better, I'd say you're seeing Heather again."_

_Matt's jaw dropped to the floor. "No! I don't know how you could think that, Sarah! I haven't even spoken to Heather in two years. Sarah, I love you, and you know that…I thought you knew that. I haven't gone back to Glen Oak in months. Really, I miss my family…and I want to make sure that everyone is alright." _

_She took a deep breath and nodded. "I know. I'm sorry for the accusation, Matt. You're right. If I had so many little siblings I'd want to go home more often, too. Besides, my parents come up here more than yours." _

_Matt shook his head. "My dad's only been here once." _

"_I know," Sarah said. "You have every right to go. I'll miss you, though." She wrapped his arms around him again and pressed her lips against his lips. The warmth from his body transferred to her chilled skin. Her heart fluttered, realizing it was going to be another lonely weekend. She didn't want to complain; but it wasn't her fault that she desired to have just one weekend with him alone. They hadn't had that in ages, even though he hadn't gone back to Glen Oak since the previous spring. If he wasn't working, he was in class. All he had done all summer long was work. _

_She released herself from him, and watched him go into the bedroom to change his clothes and grab the materials he needed. In the meantime, she continued to prepare her hot chocolate. By the time it was done, Matt had walked out. He had changed from his hospital scrubs into blue jeans and a brown sweater. He held his musty suitcase in his hands. _

_Forcing herself to smile, she looked toward him. He set down the suitcase for a moment and kissed her one last time. "I'll see you Sunday, all right? I love you."_

"_I love you too," she whispered hoarsely. He turned around and picked up his suitcase again. One minute later, he disappeared through the door. _

_After he was gone, she sat at their small dining room table alone. It was circular and it only had two seats. They didn't have company over often, so they didn't need a ton of room. The apartment was small, but it was cozy; and it worked for them._

_When her mug was empty, she found herself sitting at the desk. She knew very well where Matt kept his contact list, in the bottom drawer. Slowly, she pulled the small booklet out and started flipping through it. His list began with family; then it moved onto colleagues, then high school friends, and finally, ex-girlfriends. _

_Sarah had been ultimately shocked when she had seen he kept a list of his ex-girlfriends' phone numbers. She hadn't discovered it until a year after they were married. That had been the cause of the first fight, and the reason she had left him that winter season. She had proclaimed if he still had his ex-girlfriends' phone numbers, then he clearly wasn't over them._

_After all, Sarah had torn up all of her ex-boyfriends' phone numbers. Then again, she hadn't exactly ended on good terms with any of them. For the most part, Matt explained to her, that he had ended on good terms with all of his former girlfriends. Sometimes, though, Sarah wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He never went into great detail about his former relationships, which she couldn't blame him. After all, she hadn't told him everything about her previous relationships. _

_Her finger pressed over Heather's name and phone number. Next to it was marked the word "cell." Immediately Sarah recognized the area code as a New York area code. Suddenly, she realized that Heather was in New York. She swallowed and wondered if that was the reason Matt had not been going home often. Maybe that was the reason he had been working so often. What if he had been lying to her?_

_The "what ifs" killed her. What kind of wife doubted her husband so heavily? The answer to that question was a woman who didn't trust her husband._

_And after what had happened two years ago, she couldn't help but question her husband's activity outside of their apartment. _

_She was panting cold sweat. Her fingers trembled, grabbing her cell phone. Suddenly, her fingers hovered over the keys of her phone, slowly dialing. Her head spun. _

_Her hand lifted the phone up to her ear, pressing it tightly to her ear, so she could hear the phone begin to ring. Sarah felt her face begin to burn. What was she doing?_

"_Hello, you've reached Heather Cain. I'm not available right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can," the voice entered Sarah's ears. _

_Swallowing, Sarah clicked the end button. She glanced toward the list again and flipped the page to Matt's family. In front of her lay Lucy's phone number. Again, Sarah found herself dialing. She listened to the rings, hoping for Lucy to pick up._

"_Hello, Sarah?" Lucy's high-pitched voice came through the receiver. _

"_Hey, Lucy, how are you?" Sarah smiled to herself, knowing she was about to get to the bottom of it all. _

"_I'm doing all right. Savannah's growing so quickly, but she keeps me busy. How are you?" Lucy asked, sounding excited to hear from Sarah. Lucy added, "I talked to Matt earlier today and he seemed pretty stressed."_

_Sarah sighed. "Yeah, he's been pretty busy. We both have. Actually, that's why I was calling…were you aware that Matt is on his way to Glen Oak now?" _

"_He's what!" Lucy gasped. "No, no I didn't."_

"_He said that he thinks there's something going on there. Is there?" Sarah asked._

"_No, there's nothing at all!" Lucy insisted. "At least there's nothing going on that applies to him. I don't see any reason for him to be rushing down here."_

"_So you didn't say anything to him that would make him think that something is wrong, so he'd come rushing home?" Sarah interrogated._

_There was a pause, and finally Lucy said, "No. Not that I can recall. I honestly don't know why he's coming here. There's no reason he should be, unless of course he's coming just to visit…but he really said that something is wrong?"_

"_Yes, that's what he told me," Sarah said, suddenly she felt a tear roll down her face. "That's what he said."_

"_I'm sorry, Sarah, but I don't know what he's talking about," Lucy said._

"_Luce," Sarah whispered, shivering a bit. "You don't think…you don't think he'd have an affair, do you? I mean…remember what he did two years ago?"_

_She heard Lucy gasp through the line. "No, not at all; I don't think he'd cheat on you, Sarah—I mean, I know what happened two years ago, yes. But, Sarah, Matt loves you. There's no denying that." _

"_Right," Sarah whispered. "He loves me."_

"_I'm sure he has a reason for coming here, but it can't possibly be that."_

"_Right, well, Luce, thanks. I'll let you go, bye," Sarah whispered._

"_Take care, Sarah. I'll let you know if I hear anything about Matt's being here, all right." _

"_Yeah, thank you." She ended the call and stared at the wall. Matt had lied to her, and she knew it. He had only lied to her once before, and she had eventually concluded that he hadn't really lied to her. She had just blown it out of proportion, or at least that was what she had thought. _

_She was beginning to question that thought. _

_Almost instantly after she set her cell phone on the counter, she heard her phone vibrate. Anxiously, she grabbed the phone and read "Incoming phone call from Carlos." _

_Carlos? She thought to herself. She hadn't heard from Carlos in months. They had talked a few times after he and Mary had broken up. It had been hard on him, and he had needed someone to talk to. Matt had give him a hard time, so Carlos had called Sarah a few times. Over that small elapsed time, she and Carlos had developed a close relationship._

_Then they drifted apart. Carlos had taken Charlie to Puerto Rico; at least that was the last Sarah had heard. _

"_Hello?" she answered her phone call._

"_Hey, Sarah…how are you doing? It has been awhile." Carlos's Hispanic accent trembled through the phone receiver. _

"_I've been better," Sarah replied bluntly. "Yourself? You are right, it's been awhile." _

"_Same here, I've been better. Say, I'm in New York…it's a long story, but I was wondering if we could get together…I need somebody to talk to, and I don't think Matt would be the best person to talk to about this…yes, it's about Mary," Carlos stuttered._

"_Well, Matt's on a flight to Glen Oak right now, so you could come over here if you want. I highly doubt he'd mind." Of course he wouldn't mind, Sarah told herself. He's run off with Heather, so Sarah thought she was highly obligated to have her husband's former brother-in-law over._

"_Great, well, I'm about five minutes away. I'll be there soon." The line went dead. _

_She glanced around the small apartment, taking note the cluttered. It wasn't as bad as it had been in the past. With the two of them being at work all of the time, it was hard to 'keep house.' Cleaning the apartment was Sarah's least priority. _

_Quickly she shoved some of the dirty laundry on the floor into the closet. She doubted that Carlos would really care how clean their apartment was. He'd understand._

_Minutes later there was a knock on the door. "That was fast," she murmured to herself, walking toward the door. She turned the handle, opening the door. _

_A tall, Hispanic familiar face stood in front of her. His dazzling green eyes gazed toward her. Though, he was frowning. Sarah glanced around looking for a little figure. _

"_Where's Charlie?" she questioned._

"_Back in Puerto Rico with his grandparents," Carlos answered. "I came to New York by myself…by request."_

_She shifted eyebrows up. "By request?"_

_Carlos let himself in and took a seat on the couch. "Sarah, Mary wants to get back together…she wants to return and be a mother to Charlie, and she wants us to get re-married."_

_Sarah laughed. "Well, it sounds like she's come to her senses, doesn't it? Matt always said she would." Carlos's face remained grimaced. "That's good…isn't it…? But why did she want to meet you in New York?"_

"_I wondered the same thing," Carlos murmured. "I didn't get my answer until I saw her today…she's returned to school. Apparently she's been taking online classes at Columbia-Green Community College. She's getting an associate degree in education, and she'll be graduating this May. Currently she's in New York because she had a few classes she had to take on campus in order to graduate."_

"_Wow," Sarah lifted her dark eyebrows. "It sounds like she's really getting her life on track." _

_Carlos shook his head. "I just don't know…I don't know if I should give her another chance. I mean, hasn't she run her chances all out?" _

_Sarah didn't know what to say to that. Their eyes met, and she began feeling agitated. _

What happen next, Sarah tried to block out of her memories. But it was still there, underneath it all. At the time, she hadn't regretted it. It wasn't until the next day it all sunk in deeply.

Lucy had called her, informing her why Matt had come to Glen Oak. There had been one big misunderstanding, and Lucy sincerely apologized.

"_I'm so sorry, Sarah. I didn't even think about what I was saying to him. Had I known telling him I planned on visiting Simon was going to force him to come to California, I certainly wouldn't have mentioned it. I really didn't mean to cause such confusion."_

"_So, Simon's all right?" Sarah inquired, remembering the whole spiel not even a year prior._

"_Simon is just fine. I don't particularly approve of his current girlfriend, but otherwise, he's fine," Lucy assured her. _

"_Well, that's good." _

She had felt like a fool. What had she done? That Sunday, Matt had returned home. They had barely spoken a word for a week, and then one day he came home from work, saying that he had the weekend off.

They had spent the weekend together, and that was when the twins were believed to be conceived.

Matt would never abandon his own children. He was too good of man for that. But if he found out that they weren't his, then it would be easier on him. Sarah had been working up the courage to tell him, but she just couldn't. Instead, she only made it worse by causing foolish, petty arguments.

She saw the way he looked at the boys. He loved them as much as she did.

She tried to make it seem as if she didn't love him anymore, so he would go away. Faking to fall out of love with someone was hard, especially when your love for that person continued to throb on harder than ever before.

Now, with Ruthie in New York, Sarah knew that she wouldn't be able to confess her secret to Matt. Ruthie had already held too many secrets for the two during their marriage. Somehow, it felt like their entire marriage had been secret. Well, it had been for four years. It had begun a secret, and it was ending with secrets.

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**Another one that hasn't been updated in months! Please review! **


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